Part 2: “The Conversation”: Your Role, God’s Role

As parents who follow Jesus, we want to communicate to the children God has given into our care that our Father in heaven knows them and has a plan for their life.  We recognize that human sexuality is a gift from God and that he has purpose in how we are made: male and female. This article is part of a series to help you think in a God-honoring, biblical way about when and how to discuss matters of sexuality with your children.

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In part one of this series I presented a rationale for thinking about when and how to discuss sexuality with your children. In this article I want to begin presenting some principles for discussing sexuality with your kids from a biblical worldview–an understanding of reality based on God’s perspective revealed in scripture.

Why is a Worldview-focused approach important?
Everyone on the planet has a worldview; you have one, your kids have one. Christian affirm that “all scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16-17). In other words, we believe that God’s perfect and complete perspective is communicated in the Bible and that we can “be transformed by the renewing of our minds” when we allow God’s perspective to become our worldview. Human sexuality is only one part of the whole picture of reality, but since it is founded in the mind and purposes of God (Genesis 1:26-27), we can trust that his perspective for sexuality is the one that will lead to the best good for our children as individuals and society as a whole.

Your Role
Worldview informs everything we do; parenting is no exception. As parents we are designed by God to nurture our children, protect them, and teach them. As our Father, God demonstrates patience, discipline, care, grace, love and a myriad of other qualities designed to show us how we are to care for our own children.

Before we talk about what the Bible says about sexuality, we have to understand what it says about our role as parents. What are our responsibilities? How should we guage success? Here are few points to consider.

• Your responsibility is to be a Christian parent, not make Christian children. We are to faithful communicate the Gospel in word and demonstrate our obedience to ht e King of kings by living like citizens of his kingdom (Matthew 28:18-20), but it is God who calls and transforms (John 6:44). Never make spiritual performance the basis of your love and affection.

• Be proactive in engaging with your children in evaluating culture.  Don’t be fearful, but in the power of God take all things captive to the Lordship of Christ. Incidentally this is not only true for “big ticket” items like sexuality,  but also with more subtle values. How much time do you devote to your child’s spiritual formation relative to sports, academics and material future? What are you really teaching your kids are the most important things?

• You can delegate authority but never responsibility. My friend Patrick said this once and it stuck with me. God has given you authority over your children for their good.(Mark 10:42-45) This reason is permanent, gospel-focused and is not subject to the whims of culture and history – a good foundation! It goes beyond force, superior knowledge and experience. It goes beyond personal imperfection and worthiness. Therefore, while we can send our kids to school, Bible-classes, sport camps, etc., we will be held accountable for what they learn.

God’s Role
Fears and anxiety over the well-being of our children is not part of a biblical worldview. Just like every other parent, I want what’s best for my kids and I get concerned when I see the state of the world. But that should remind us to return to the Maker of Everything who is working out his good plan in history. A Christian worldview offers parents an unparalleled range of benefits.

• Freedom from fear. God is at work in the world and he calls people to himself, including children. He never sleeps or slumbers and he takes care of us in all circumstances. He frees us from slavery to sin and death and he can do that for our kids too.

• Gospel resources. We have unlimited grace in Christ when we fail and can offer that to our children. We have the presence of the Holy Spirit (John 14:25-27) to teach and comfort us.

• A Community of believers. God calls us into a life giving relationship with himself and into a new family. While no one can replace your God-giving role as a parent, the church family is designed to encourage, support, equip and serve one another. Look for ways to include your brothers and sisters in Christ in the parenting process. Get counsel from an older couple you respect who have effectively communicated God’s plan for sexuality (and everything else) to their children. Ask peers to be praying for you as you begin these discussions. Have faithful single people over for dinner (with kids present) and ask them how they are growing in the faith and how God uses them to communicate the good news about Jesus. Invite married people to do the same and ask about how the gospel is alive in their marriage.

• Prayer. When we pray for what God is concerned about, our prayers are always answered “yes”. He loves children. He love parents who want to be “under-shepherds” following Jesus in caring for their own children. He will be the third person in the parenting “trinity”. No matter is too small when it relates to desiring God to be glorified in the lives of your children.

In the next article we will examine some lies that parents are taught and ones that we tell ourselves that undermine our role in equipping our kids to live the joy-filled life that God calls them to, especially in the area of sexuality and relationships.